June 28, 2006

She awakes, again

The ice melts
Trickles down the glaziers
And into the frigid water

The ice melts
Slowly warms her body
Preparation for the resurrection of her spirit

The ice melts
Creeps up north
Spreads around her curves
Reaches beneath her
And re-awakens the fires that have hibernated for too long

The ice melts
Announces our destruction
We run towards the dark side
With our eyes open
Confident in our superiority

The ice melts
And tomorrow we shall all be gone

June 26, 2006


Balloons & butterflies
Baboons & buffalos
They dance across the meadow

I watch amused
A nation of rainbows
Stumble between the flowers
Yet all they see is the dirt
Beneath their feet
And the dark clouds
Ominously drifting across the sun

They do not feel the calm breeze
Nor do they smell the scents
That tickle my nostrils
They do hear the sound of silence
Calmly drifting through the air

I am not the eternal optimist
But I do believe tomorrow
Shall be better than today
And the day shall be even better

Sadly they do not see what I see
No matter how often I point
In the direction of the sun
And the coming rain
Bringing with it new life


All I need to do is look at her
And the stirring in my loins
Becomes unbearable

For her I would shave all my hair off
And run down the street naked
She is my kryptonite
My achilles heel
The ultimate weakness
So I have taken to avoiding her

It's not that she is distant
Or unattainable
It's that the image of her in my heart
Is the highest perfection
And I love her too much
To ruin that

So I admire her from afar
And continue to dream


In my next life
I want to come back
As smoke from
the end of a cigarette

June 24, 2006

I have nothing

What is said
When there is nothing to say
What is done
Where there is nothing to do
What is sung
When there is nothing to sing

Where's the laughter
Where are the words

They mock me
Linger on the tip of my tongue
On the edge of my fingertips
Nerve endings refuse to fire
Eyes, ears and mind have separated
Inspiration is on holiday indefinitely

My voice cracks, shatters
Every time I open my mouth

Where is the thought
The ultimate thought
The manifestation of dreams thought


June 22, 2006

We were

We were young then
Two drifting hearts
In search of a calm
Beyond our twisted sadness

We are born free
The shackles worm their way
Around our wrists and ankles
Each year we take breath

We were young once
But that is drifting slowly
Behind us
Today we wipe the confusion from our eyes
Tiptoe towards guaranteed death
Hope that our actions
Will speak our truth
And guarantee our place in the beyond

We loved once
Each other and life
We awoke each morning with zeal
With enthusiasm for the possibility of another day
Laughter pierced sadness' canvas
And love was the rhythm to which we danced
But that is no more
Though we aren't quite sure
Where the love's gone

We used to dance
Together and alone
Our hearts beating in sync with the bass
Our voices the piano keys that pumped out melody
Now our legs drag and slow us down
Our arms hang limply at our sides
And our hearts beat no more

We were once
And now we are no more
Just bodies slumping through the matrix that resides in our deadened minds

We were
And now we aren't


I write coz I have to

Today I have no words
So I string together random words
Out of a desire to speak words
My tears are the alphabet
Creating a puddle of words
Mainly about pain and hurt
All I seek is the right words
Hopefully ones that make sense
Beautiful words
Some light and some dense

The power of the poet
Lies in when there is nothing to say
No inspiration, no direction, no rhythm, melody or craft
Just an outpouring
I console myself with thoughts like that
In moments like this

I try to write every day
And hate it when I have nothing to say
I have embarrassed myself enough
Within these rough lines
There is no diamond
Even when I break up the lines
And pretend that imitating structure
Will make the words something they are not

Read them quickly
And then move on

Today I have no words

June 20, 2006


Heart bleeds
Mind screams silently
Eyes weep dry
Voice rages
Be still maddening seas
My insanity overwhelms me
My split personalities have merged into one hellboy
Tongue drenched in blood
I quench my thirst with the waters of madness
I am a foetus in a bottle
Deformed for the world to see
Heaven's demons watch over me
While hell's angels mock my form
I am sorry, mother
I have become an insult to your femininity
Please come back and nurture me
I am still caught in a lonely baby's heart
One day we shall say the words together
I am love

The angel of death

Better late than never, she says
You & I have travelled opposing galaxies
Walked lands and swan seas in opposite direction
All for the present moment
We are stars finally colliding to create a cacophony of colour and sound

I met one evening
Walking alone in circles
In search of where I started
She was drawing pentagrams in the sand with her index finger
Standing at the centre of of a triangle whose edges gently touched my circle
Tired of walking I stopped
And asked if she was alright
That's when she said
We are two blades of grass
Always beside each other
But never together
Until this moment
When the winds of improbability had conspired to bring us together

She was right
She was the moment I had lived for
And now that it was passing me by
I knew that I was to be reborn in her arms
Re-ignited by her lips
Re-inspired by her heart

A morbid tale
Our meeting had been pre-planned in an ethereal dimension
And the truth of the heavens was finally laid open before me
The Grim Reaper is actually a woman
And she has come for me

June 19, 2006

Sleep is totally over-rated

The nights blur into days
Dark to light
Light to dark
I am a walking zombie
Reaching a frankenstein state of mind

I cannot sleep
How long before I am labelled insomniac?

I count the clock ticks
Remember my distant drug trips
Plot the rise of my genius
Dream up new dreams
Let my mind wander as aimlessly as my pen

I read books
Watch television
Write poetry
And still I cannot sleep

I stare at the walls
Close my eyes
Listen to the night
Open my eyes
Watch my wife sleep
Hoping that her breathing will lull me to sleep

The sun rises
I shower
Get dressed
Join the world
Sit in meetings
Pretend to be listening
Drive automatically
Too tired to actually think
Stare at my computer screen
Dream up more dreams

I cannot sleep

I pop pills
Drink cammomile tea
Refrain from coffee
Avoid sweets
Visit herbalists
Drink foul tasting concoctions
Count sheep, and cows, and chickens
Listen to slow music without lyrics
Lie in bed for days
Lie awake for nights

Damn, I cannot sleep
I cannot sleep
I cannot sleep

June 17, 2006

training exercise

in the swamps
through the bushes
the rain pounds
the wind roars
together they sway
and dance
crawl in the crevices
roll through the gaps

they are wet and tired
soaked and exhausted
mindless beings operating on breath
and spirit and temporary madness
the trenches are in their minds
the mud, the blood, the bone, the flesh
all this exists in their minds

in the battlefield of love and pain
emotions are the pawns
lives are the kings and queens
moved at random over the checked board of our planet
the board divided into black and white

where do the lost ones stand?

those of us who exist in the space between the black & white lines

where do we stand?
where do we stand?


I have a secret
A tale of two halves to tell
A silence that must be broken
Words that must be spoken
For the sake of my sanity
And, to be honest, a bit of my vanity

I have a secret
And this secret, while mine to tell
Is something I have kept silent for years
And probably is anything major in the general existence of mankind

I have a secret
A presence perched on my shoulder
A weight I have carried with me
From the day I crawled out my mother's womb
And shared my first words

I have a secret
A little secret

I like to be heard

June 15, 2006

The voices thrive in silence

In an empty space
I hear my heart beating
The hesitation is fleeting
But long enough for me to wonder
If it has stopped
And will start again

In silence I hear my thoughts drifting
Out and beyond my body
Fatigue is the perfect home for the spirit
The mind loses its grip on the logical
The body becomes disfunctional

I fear the unknown
I embrace change
But wish it would travel slower
I go for days without speaking
Hoping that the silence will give my words more power
I am strategic in my existence
I give flowers when least expected to maximise impact
I listen often
And watch often
I give hugs when they are needed
And never in between

Silence has a way of forcing introspection
Moments of quiet reflection

I fear the unknown
And the greatest unknown lies within me
Within the silence within me
I spend lifetimes provoking cacophony
Breaking that silence long enough for me to live

My mind is a shell I run to often
I need the noise to bring me out

The more I speak the less I listen
Maybe tomorrow my truth shall break out of these words and speak to me
Until then .......

I fear the unknown
The many voices that speak in my silence

I fear the unknown
And the unknown is me

June 14, 2006

these men

who could know
that something so arbitrary
something so insignificant
in the general progression of my life
could cause me so much pain

on a green patch of grass
halfway across the world
men i do not know personally
hold my joy, my excitement, my pleasure
these men, these beings of skin, and flesh, and bone,
hold my passion and my sadness in their feet

these men who frolick on the patch of grass halfway across the world
these men are gods
these men are genius
but can also be demons
these men are footballers
and on that patch of grass
they create beauty

damn, i wish the World Cup could be every year
but i would end up doing nothing
and being nothing
if this happened every year

p.s. don't think my heart could handle it anyway

June 13, 2006

Erratic thought

We talk but never listen
We laugh but never cry
We are battlefields
Our emotions the pawns
Dance through the trenches
Goosestep over the hills
The landscape of our souls
Slinging rocks at each other

I am not schizophrenic
I merely house multiple faces
They manifest each other randomly
We have come to an agreement
10 minute warning before switching
Victims of internal bodysnatchers
Are never conscious of their multi-dimensional mind states
And I am one

I scare easily but pretend otherwise
I dance rarely
I play even less
I am running out of words

If this makes sense, I'm worried

I've started dreaming nightmares with my eyes open
Ghouls crawl out walls
Demons step out floors
Goblins reside in the space between brain and skull
I hear them plotting nightly
Their chattering echoes
And echoes
And echoes

Madness is a state of freedom
It eludes me
Though I welcome it with an open mind
Do with me what you will
Just allow me the ultimate escape
It is said that cocaine numbs the brain
But I feel so alive
Weed makes me sleepy
And alcohol gnaws at my liver
Never my mind
Though that numbs me enough to kneel before shank's porcelain god

Darkness is my constant companion
Even during the day
I close my eyes when I feel alone
It whispers to me
A few more hours and we shall truly be together again
Daytime has too many pressures
Night is for what could have
What could have and
What will be

After every thing I have seen
I am saddened
There is still so much more to see
I do not wish to live that long
The answers, however false, lie in youth
The end looms from 30
Knocks at 40
Rests till 60
I have called the grim reaper
Requested early release
But he says my time is yet to come
Ain't that a *itch
There are many who aren't ready
And they leave before their time
I, who seeks the release of insanity
Must stand in line, await my turn

I am master of my own destiny
Within the rules of others
I have requested my time
And been denied
So I shall build dreams out of dust
Embrace lust
Nibble on life's crust
Make this world mine
Which it has always been

June 12, 2006

Perversion as a definition of life

is there a line between erotic and pornographic
A divide between perversion and appreciation?

The boy crawls under his father's bed
He finds fantasy between the pages
And descends into self-loathing
His young body, still forming, and completely unknown to him
Trembles at the sight of the naked forms

At that moment, his idea of perfection is formed

He is not restricted to race or religion
He does not question intelligence or purity of heart
Beauty lies only in sight
And he drinks it in selfishly

Little does he know that he has taken his first step into doubt
Till his last day he shall question the purpose of his lust
And he shall surpress it out of love and confusion

He is becoming a man
Yet manhood continues to be undefined
He shall pick from these images
And the example of the women who surround him
But mostly from the men
Unaware that, in these modern times, they are as confused as he is,
If not more

He shall stumble through fields of dissent
Through chauvinism, sexism, homosexuality, toughness,
All the -isms, -itys and -ness'
All the perceptions of manliness he can find
And hopefully one day, before he leaves this earth
He shall find sense, and peace, and meaning
And he shall find someone
Who sees beyond the definitions
Who sees merely the essence of who he truly is
A human being
Whatever that means

June 10, 2006


Life is built on moments
Some big, some small
Some life changing, some life threatening

Life is built on moments
And this is one of them
I recognise that
But its impact is still unknown

Life is built on moments
And I live them anxiously
Each ........... day ........... at ............ a .......... time

June 09, 2006

Home & away

The flames dance in the spaces
The wind hums a rhythm for the flames to dance to
I watch, silent observer
Discreet stalker
Twisted molestor

I encourage their tryst with my eyes
And my heart
It seems so perfect
This natural moment
This undefinable experience

All this from watching logs burn in the fireplace

Cyber lust

I have not seen her
Touched her
Or even heard her voice
But we are lovers
Words spoken in silence
Love made over distance
Passion shared through spirit
Bodies molding into each other

June 08, 2006

In the end, it all dies

A rose with dark petals
Blossoms beneath the pale moonlight
The stars flickering off its leaves
A cat howls at the universe
While a rat scampers into the shadows
Overhead an owl swoops
In search of something to silence
The grumbling in its stomach
A spider sits in wait
Stroking its web
And dreaming of better days
There is a chill in the air
And the flies have moved on to warmer spaces
To reincarnate under moving skies
They cuddle closer not out of love
But to keep the winter's darkness out
They cuddle closer and their tears fall silently
Colouring the surface of the electric blanket with an ignored blue flame
They struggled to move forward
They spent a lifetime deciding on this one moment
When they would have to part
Tonight merely the finale
And disappointing conclusion to what once was
The rose quivers and wilts
The cat goes quiet
The rat, the owl, the spider, the stars, the moon
All seem to inhale tonight's reality
And bow their heads to death
The death of love that is unfolding as they cuddle together beneath the blankets

June 06, 2006

Born prisoners

We are all prisoners of possibility
It houses us within crumbling walls
And thick bars
Our laughter crawls through the bars
And the cracks in the walls

Religion says we are born sinners
Evildoers born to spend a lifetime
In pursuit redemption
Living only to find a space in the arms of the lord
Though, made in his image, that space should be reserved

Am I a sinner if I do not subscribe to the rules and rituals of men
Who have spent multiple centuries building a reality I do not understand?

These are the thoughts that dance with me in moments of internal silence

New world

We find souls that speak our language
In the strangest of places
Life is a spinning wheel that stops at random
But who is the ringmaster
Who spins the wheel that leads us on this merry go round
Tho often, it isn't so merry

The words on the screens carry faces
And I hide mine behind them

June 03, 2006

Flesh & blood

Whenever she holds a candle
The flame dies
To be re-lit and die again
And when the wind blows
The flame dances on her pupils
A prophecy realised, humanised
She nibbles on the veins of angels
And is reborn

Random thought leads her to him
Her opposite, her nemesis
She, drinker of blood
He, consumer of human flesh
It is a dream called reality
Beneath the surface of a twisted dimension
And I stand between them
Day walker, night crawler
Inhuman manifestation of their strength
Consequence of their weakness
I am the protector

June 01, 2006

Where are they?

Men of unknown ages
Crawl through muddy, blood soaked trenches in a faraway land
They climb out the trenches over body part infested swamp
Under the fire of snipers
They finger triggers, grenades, machine guns
Commit murder every time they act
According to the orders given
By cocktail, suit wearing cowards
Who sit in their white towers
That's what the world is made of
Sadly, that's all the world has ever been
Where are the heroes?
Where the men and women
Who build life
Where are they?