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Dear mama,

I hope these words find you in good spirit and good health,
I am taking a cue from LKJ
And writing you this letter
Though I know that I can never post it
And you will probably never read it
Unless you can get God to give me a forwarding address

(I know I have spent a lifetime
Questioning his existence
But I am hoping that she exists
Just to ensure that you get this letter)

Things have been hard since you left
Those many years ago
I have travelled far in spirit
Though I sometimes feel like I am standing still
I have lived to the best of my ability
And loved to what seems to be the worst of my personality
But now I am fine,
At least in terms of love
(That is not the purpose of this letter)
- I met a lovely young lady a few years ago
And we are working towards her being a lovely old lady
With me, an old man, still in her arms

Anyway, I have often heard a voice
That sounds like what I think your voice would sound like
A voice that whispers
In moments of chaos and doubt
That the meaning of life is in the fulfilment of dreams
I am sure it is you because my father, your husband, tells me that is the kind of thing you would say

I have tried but, at present,
Find myself flailing aimlessly in pursuit of your, my, our ideal
I have exhausted all possibilities of help
And now I turn to you
My mother
The one who carried me
And feed me
And loved me
For a little assistance

I am not asking for anything major
Though the winning lottery numbers would be nice
But rather a little push in the right direction
Or a small sign that everything will be alright

Just something to remind me that it will all be worth it in the end
Though the end seems distant at present
(If otherwise, please send a warning)
And it is tomorrow that scares me most

Well, that's it really.

I do hope that you will be able to put in a word somewhere
Or reach through the mist
And prop me up.

I look forward to hearing from you
Soon

Lovingly

Your son
Always